Item: Food Processor of Agility (and death)

I'm fairly sure that this is a machine of death.

Or a Ninja.

Or both.

Today, I bought a new kitchen appliance. A food processor. I had one growing up but like everything else in the kitchen short of pots and pans it rarely got used. I like having my nails pretty with acrylic and polish. Touching raw meat disgusts me and I start gagging when it gets under my nails. I have deep seeded fear that if I get stuff under my nails they will get moldy and nasty. This is terrifying to me.

So, to avoid this, I bought a food processor in hopes of being able to make my dumpling dough in it. NOPE. I don't have the right blade for it. I have one for chopping, and one for shredding, slicing and apparently grating. It also has suction cups.

This is where the ninja part comes in.

I was playing WoW trying to build up the courage to go make the dough by hand. I stated that my machine had suctions cups.

Conversation:
Me: Side note: My food processor has suction cups.
A: WHAT?!
M: On the feet of the machine... suction cups
A: WTF? That gives me crazy ideas.
M: It makes me think it will come alive and make that weird popping sound.
A: IT CAN SCALE WALLS! @_@

A few minutes later I stated that I was going to attempt to make dough in my new machine. Upon reading my recipe, it said I needed to dough blades. I do not have a dough blade for this machine...yet. Some how this made the machine that much more dangerous. Even more so when I read that i should handle the blades carefully because they are sharp.

M: I'm gonna go press buttons on my machine.
D: LOL
M: And hope it doesn't start scaling walls.
A: >_> *locks door*
M: :D
A: Still don't see why it needs suction cups.
M: To keep it from bouncing all over the place.
A: Still...more exciting that way.

A few minutes later I return.

M: Apparently, I don't have the right blade.
D: What blade?
M: For my food processor.
D: What's it called?
M: I need a dough blade. I have a chopping blade.
D: Ah.
M: Which makes this machine that much more scary.
M: A...
M: It will launch it's blades as it scales the wall.
M: LIKE A F**KING NINJA!
A: O_O No. *makes crying face*
M: I r skerred. I may take it back out of fear.

And this is why I am certain that my machines will kill me in my sleep. Suction cups and whirling blades of death. But it should make mincing that much easier for me and less hazardous to my nail health. I'm also getting a dough blade. Speaking of dough, off to make it by hand.